Sweet ⭐ Saturn ⭐ Buckiin'
"Buckin,' buckin,' buckin,' like a mechanical bull..."
SPIRIT RYDIN’ is a weekly-ish newsletter where humanness and Divinity are channeled into written medicine needed, if not by Me, then possibly by You.
Play this song for the full experience of my words:
Never underestimate how much Play can open You up to needed reflection.
Last night, while playing Little Nightmares I (Kid’s story for the first time), I was having a really hard time getting past one portion of the game. Shadow kids were jumping Me left and right, My flashlight kept turning off, and the amount of times I died and had to restart the level were becoming way too much to count.
I’m sure with every joyous scream at the screen My neighbors could probably give You an estimate, though.
But with every time I lost the level, I noticed I was really experiencing a greater win.
Instead of getting frustrated with Myself for how many times I died or how long it took for Me to pass, I leaned into gentle parenting Myself through the game and I could really feel a shift. It’s almost as if the Shadow kids I was fighting — and defeating by shining My Light on them at that — were representations of Me fighting and defeating old versions of Self-talk that I’ve held onto as The Kid in My own story.
Instead of questioning Myself saying, “Why did I do that?” Or saying, “Ugh, that was so stupid!” I encouraged Myself with vocal affirmations and reminders of who I AM despite the difficulty:
“Ya know, this level is proving harder than expected AND I’m strong!
I trust Myself to get through it!”
“With every turn I take, I’m learning better how to beat this level and what I need to do to get through.”
I even hyped Myself up when I got really close to passing and said: “I’m getting there! I got this!”
And in the moment, I paused both My game and Myself thinking (and journaling these exact words on my phone’s notepad) of how much every other portion of My Life could have been - how every other portion of My Life WILL Be - by nurturing My strengths and treating Myself with Grace through My weaknesses; by talking to Myself as I do others and as I needed the adults around Me to do when I was growing up.
Being hard on Myself isn’t going to make this level any easier, so I’m going to Be easy on Myself no matter how hard it gets.
Perfectionism and harsh self-critique have been prominent topics in my therapy sessions as of late. Being that I’m in My Saturn Return, it’s been a big theme in life overall. Facing the ways I’ve pressured Myself, the ways I’ve responded to Myself as The Vindictive Stepfather, My Saturn Return thus far has been a deep reckoning for My better.
Part of transforming My perfectionism and moving through My Saturn Return has looked a lot like building a Joy practice into My Life. In the existential dread of it all, My therapist likened Saturn’s Return to a mechanical bull that I just have to ride with each buck.
In her analogy, she mentioned the way mechanical bull-riding can either be really fun or it can feel really hard depending on how you ride. People who try to hold on or focus on maintaining the perfect straddle end up falling at the first jolt whereas those who just ride the strides have more fun in going with the flow.
So it’s funny - and affirming - that while I’m spending time being loud and giggly and just overjoyed in the moment of Me playing My Switch (without dictating how long I play, how perfect I play, or if I “should” play to begin with) allowed Me to have this moment of self-talk that feels completely transformed from the self-talk I’ve had for majority of My Life.
Like, really every moment we have it’s with ourselves and Inner Child/Teen there with Us — and what an honor and privilege, gift and lesson learned in choosing to guide Myself and My Inner Child/Teen with Love, Grace, Compassion, Trust and Confidence no matter the difficulty level of Life I’m currently playing.
It’s nice to see and experience that while I feel like I’m sometimes drowning under the waves of it all, I’m actually making strides and getting closer to the shores of a New Life destined for the True Me. 🔺🌹❤️✨
Since the genocide in Palestine began, there have been several calls-to-action including protesting, boycotting, and also writing or calling our elected officials to demand for an immediate ceasefire.
I firmly believe we all have a role in movement. There’s space for all of us whether big or small. I’m a writer so I wrote up this script for those of Us with anxiety or for anyone who may need a little help getting exactly what we want to say out. If you feel more inclined to use it as an email or letter, feel free to add your return address up top and send it in!
To be honest, I have long given up on electoral politics and reasoning with a system that was built to operate in this very way. AND I know this is the mainstream (not only) way available to us right now to make our wants and needs heard. Click the image below and it’ll take you there.
Another way you can act is by purchasing art! Golden One Designs has created beautiful art for Palestine and 100% of the net profits go towards the Palestine Children’s Relief Fund (PCRF). Decorate your home and donate your dollars at the same time. Hurry, there’s only 100 of each!
We have the choice to do whatever we can, however we can.
🔺 Wisdom on having a writing practice versus a writing schedule from Jeanna Kadlec
🔺 “The longer I live, the more deeply I learn that Love — whether we call it friendship or family or romance — is the work of mirroring and magnifying each others Light.” - James Baldwin (Rest in Power)
🔺 The late, the great Dr. Maya Angelou on ‘agape romance’ - “Our community without romance risks being brutish and crass and superficial and brittle and cruel and even murderous - without romance. And I don’t mean just romantic romance. I don’t mean just erotic romance. I mean the romance that allows us to soften our voices when we see each other, “Hey, honey! How you doing? Come here hug my neck.” I mean that. I mean having enough romance to say, “Come, let’s embrace. I will not deny my humanity with you. I don’t care who’s watching. That’s romance. That’s it.” (Rest in Power)
🔺 I bought Myself some new games as part of my Joy practice and even started a game I’ve never started that I bought last year but always told Myself, “not yet.” It’s been amazing!!!
🔺 Seeing, witnessing, experiencing new environments that aren’t the current town I’m in and knowing more and more what is right for Me and the type of places where I thrive.
Read One, Free One - I appreciate your time spent with my words. May they have helped you free parts of yourself, and in turn, compel you to help others free parts of themselves. If you haven’t already, please subscribe and share what resonated with You on social media or send this newsletter to someone who may find glimmers of Freedom here.
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